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Hope Again

About three years ago I gained interest in YouTube Vlogs and I'm not going to lie, I instantly became obsessed. One late night I remember searching for Nigerian wedding videos because I'm infatuated with them and in the midst of it I ran into my favorite YouTuber of all time, Ify Yvonne. I love her vlogs because she is selfless, she is very down to earth, values her cultural upbringing, she's herself and most importantly she is HUMBLED.  Ify taught me a series of things and I will only name a few, don't settle, Travel, and plan ahead. Those things may be simple for you but not so simple for me due to the fact I had no structure and no one ever taught me these things my motto was plan as you go and I got tired of not knowing what was going to happen next.  Ify didn't seem like the type to settle and just from her vlog she seemed to be so headstrong and the epitome of an independent lady. I love that she takes chances on life by traveling the world and her boldness intrigues me. 

But I every so often wonder what her scar might be, like did she ever have to suffer from low self-esteem, bullied or if she ever felt less than like myself. 

When I first started watching her vlogs I struggled with deep dark insecurities and I often made excuses of why I could never be half the woman she was. Maybe just maybe because I was broke and could barely pay my rent, government assistance just to put food in my fridge and no car which kept me jobless and almost all of me was broken. I could only live vicariously
through Ify and dare to dream to do just half of what she expressed in her vlogs.

Has she every been broken like me? Why is her life so amazing? 
Where did her ambition come from and why did God bless her with such a wonderful life and why do I deserve this broken out of order life? God, when do I get to live?

As you can tell I had a lot of questions and I often wondered why I deserved the short end of the stick. I began to try to make this life a reality by looking into Pharmacy school although my math scores wouldn't land me in anyone pharmacy program because if Ify could do it I could do it too, my plans didn't work and I became frustrated because I wanted the perfect life Ify had.

But I was reminded one night that I would never have Ify life which was heart-wrenching for me. The harsh reality
Ify became my idol all because she had what I wanted plus more. Although I was mind bottled and self-esteem shot to death. I refused to give up hope.

My hope is why I still dream, the reason I tell myself if God can do it for Ify he can do it for me. It may not be pharmacy, I didn't have the same parents that she had but I do serve a God so mighty that he himself can take a broken girl like me heights ears have not heard and eyes have not seen, I dared myself to dream just once and believe that God will do exactly what he said he would do.

In the midst of the heartache, I believe God purposely led me to Ify Vlog just so I could gain the hope I lost. I'm sure Ify has had to fight battles of her own and I never got to see her harsh reality but I saw the parts that inspired me to dream again, find hope again and I know with God anything can happen.


Kimora Booker